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Lallooram was tired. It was not just physical. This tiredness was symbolic of his fruitless existence. Nothing could cheer him up now, least of all his matronly wife with her aging, sagging charms. His vain efforts to avoid the ponderous and well-advertised advances of his overweight wife - that horror of horrors - had reduced him to a living fossil.
Fortunately, Lalloo's legal spouse Totabai heartily reciprocated her husband's feelings. He was a great bore to her, a good for nothing appendage to her life, and his sagging and fossilized body held little interest for her. It was only on rare occasions when her lust ran out of control, that she would pursue him energetically around the house in a frantic attempt to extract love out of him. These sad events usually culminated in the desperate gentleman locking himself up in his metal Godrej VoiceKey safe, there to await the eventual dissipation of Totabai's desires, as she paced and fretted in futile fashion a few inches from the heavy Vanadium doors…
Thus deprived, she would while away her time either watching television, visiting her rather toxic relations, or playing rather risqué games with her robot servants.
We know that the Earth Government was alarmed at the increasing rate of divorces at the close of the 20th century. The new millennium saw the promulgation of a very severe ordinance prohibiting divorce on any ground whatsoever, save murderous intent in a partner.
This 21st century Government employed RoboDogs in every household, to keep a perennial watch on each couple. This rigid enforcement had forced all the Lalloo's of this century to live 'faithfully' with their Totabais. Adultery, in short, had been scientifically eradicated from the surface of the Earth.
At least in his own mind, Lalloo was a modern-day Casanova. His fantastic affairs were however, limited to incessant daydreaming. Realising over a span of decades, that he would be deprived the opportunity of converting even one of these into reality during his miserable lifetime, Lalloo had ultimately become frustrated. He had even toyed, rather vaguely, with the idea of committing suicide. But this century had also eliminated the voluntary termination of human existence i.e. Suicide had been effectively banned, the RoboDogs were ever watchful, and Lalloo didn’t fancy his chances.
One day a remarkable advertisement caught Lalloo's eye. It gave him new hope by promising a real break in his tortured and monotonous life.
"Take a Holiday on Chutti, the holiday planet" advised the advertisement, "you are free to enjoy anything or anybody without any inhibitions at all! Earthly laws do not apply on this exotic alien planet. Only three months from Earth by Hyperdrive. Contact our local agent for details…."
Lalloo didn’t waste a single moment. However, the astronomical price he was required to pay for the proposed trip unnerved him immensely. He had also the problem of getting leave sanctioned from his boring job as a Government SwatcherBody. To top it all, he had to manoeuvre his way through all these arrangements while keeping his 'lovable' spouse in the dark.
The 60 year old pleasure seeker miraculously manipulated things, and moved about like a dashing, debonair Bond, investing his life's savings here and there, so as to avail of a few days of elusive pleasure. How lucky that Totabai never crossed his path during those hectic days, and that her interest in the family's finances had always been close to zero.
The main attraction of the Holiday Planet was that it rejuvenated anybody who set foot on its surface! It appeared to be some quirk of the atmosphere, but depending on his age, any visitor would shed some biological years according to a very simple formula. For example, Lalloo was expecting to shed 35 years on arriving at the planet. However, nothing is free! There was a catch! Such travellers would forfeit double the amount on returning to earth, condemning themselves to a dribbling life of utter senility.
The ultimate prospect of becoming a 95 year old dodderer on returning from his vacation did not deter Lalloo a bit. He wanted to live his six months on Holiday Planet as a youth - a real live, honest-to-goodness Casanova! Earth government did not mind such foolish holiday-seeking because it acted as a safety valve on the pressure cooker of repugnant Earth marriages…
History is full of glorious episodes revolving around the lives of eminent freedom fighters. Now Lalloo would bravely venture forth, a modern day adventurer, out to find sexual and amorous freedom and claim it as his own!
The trip to Holiday Planet promised so many things that it was almost impossible to choose from the infinite variety of possibilities. For Lalloo, it was first and foremost sexual freedom that beckoned - that and the accompanying heavenly release from Totabai.
"You can join our nudist colonies, or enjoy an Arabian Nights harem, or indulge in sexual perversions practiced on a hundred alien planets…. Or…." The travel agent had told Lalloo. The budding traveller had listened, wide eyed, at this litany of forbidden delights! Already, he had started fantasizing about the carnal pleasures he would tuck into on the wonderful planet; visions of beautiful fairies drifted through his mind's eye as he prepared himself mentally for this trip of a lifetime.
As it happened, luck was on his side, for Totabai left home on a visit to her sister, who lived in the ancient city of Kochi in the South of India. This annual pilgrimage had indeed come at an opportune time for our hero and Lalloo could hardly conceal his delight at this unexpected stroke of good luck. He now had no need for further subterfuge.
D-Day dawned! Lalloo gleefully surveyed the assorted bunch of pleasure seekers seated about him on the good spaceship 'Total Maaza Karo!', as white-coated technicians prepared them for 'The Short Sleep' - enforced hibernation that was the only drawback of space flight. The group did not count a single female among its considerable number. This was not unexpected, as the travel agency had warned him that flights to the planet were inevitably male or female. However, Lalloo felt the first pangs of misgivings about the trip, when he saw at close range the motley assortment of wild-eyed males destined to be his flight-partners. There were senile old priests, hen-pecked husbands, even some famous faces, who would normally appear extremely upright and sober while on Earth. Now there was a tangible aura of excitement and lust about these people - their faces were suffused with blood, nostrils dilated, and some of them were grotesquely slobbering and lasciviously pawing at every white-coated female attendant who approached them… it was extremely distressing, thought Lalloo, as he realised that he was also probably similarly afflicted. He closed his eyes, clasped his hands out of harms way and tried to distance himself from the rest of the immoral rabble in these last moments of Earth-consciousness…..
….Three months passed like as many seconds, once the Imposed Sleep descended on Lalloo. As his eyelids fluttered open, he was immediately aware of a change in the quality of the air around him. The spaceship was nowhere to be seen - the trip was over! They were already on Chutti. Lalloo looked down at his body and felt unnatural, youthful, forgotten strength flow through his limbs - Jesus! He felt 40 years younger! The ads had been right - he was transformed into a mere stripling of a lad!
Ignoring the remonstrances of the technician tending to him, he flipped his legs over the side of his bunk and stood up with a giant leap! He was here - he had arrived! And he had much to do!
A bevy of beauties received him, and he saw the other passengers being taken care of in a similar manner. Lalloo was escorted by two lovely girls, who might never have passed a Maths test on Earth, but were endowed with charms in a totally different (thought more alluring) direction. These two warmed him up in the cool Chutti nights in a most titillating manner. Lalloo had become a free bird at last! He shed his inhibitions and youthfully bounced about on the planet like a football with dynamite inside!
But suddenly something went wrong! On one such bouncy occasion, just as he was being chased into the bushes on the side of the beautiful Chutti lake 'Pyaar' by his latest set of youthful beauties, he collided with a beautiful woman with such force that it knocked them both to the ground.
Recognition dawned almost immediately - it was his battleaxe bahu Totabai! But a Tota such as he had never seen before - naked, bronzed, the Tota of 35 years ago! His delightful wife as she had been, or even better! Before senility and the ravages of age had drawn a veil of bad temper and melancholic anger over her happy countenance…
And what did Tota see? She saw this exquisitely muscled, golden skinned male god, with the face of Lalloo - it was as she had always wished him to be - the changes wrought by love and outdoor living on the wondrous planet had accomplished their task!
"You!!" Shouted Totabai at Lalloo, as the two naked He-men demigods who had been pursuing her through the undergrowth suddenly entered the clearing. "What are you doing here??"
"Ummm…Uhhhh... I-I-I-I-I…. "stammered the unfortunate Lalloo - but he could not tear his eyes away from her beauty.
There was mirth in the hitherto long gone wrinkles surrounding Totabai's eyes. She knew the effect she was having on him, and acknowledged his own transformed persona. She embraced Lalloo immediately! Lalloo also felt himself responding in the age old way to her as he came to terms with the fact that his spouse had lied to him too … so the crafty old cow hadn't gone to Kochi at all! Just as well!!
…It was not the first time that meetings such as this had occurred on Chutti, but in the past, the husbands and wives had always decided to cut short their stay, and return to Earth forthwith amid much bickering and anger.
This time, however, it was different! Lalloo and Tota were transformed! They held hands! They looked shyly at each other through half-lidded eyes! Tota was even seen to blush on occasion! It was incredible; the two were hopelessly, madly in love!
When it happened, dignitaries from across the planet were invited to the affair. The great, the good and the simply gorgeous all made an appearance as Lalloo and Tota reaffirmed their marriage vows after all these years in the wilderness. The event was HyperCast live by media companies from a thousand planets! It made the front page of every NetNews in the known Galaxy! It is rumoured that the happy couple received a 10 figure GalacticRupee sum for agreeing to an exclusive interview with 'Hola!' Magazine!
And what was even more important, at least for Lalloo and Tota, as they contemplated the impending senile dysfunction of a return to Earth, was that out of its immense gratitude for all the positive media coverage the Planet had received, the General council of Chutti decided to award the couple permanent residence of the planet - there was no need to return to Earth! Ever!
Even today, though Lalloo and Tota are long since gone, a large statue stands in the main square of Hedonistan, the capital city of Chutti. On the massive bronze plinth, are the figures of two humans - a man with the body and ripplingly defined muscles of a Greek God and the face of Lalloo; a woman with the buxom health and beauty of Aphrodite, and the somewhat stylised face of Tota. His arm is about her waist, her arm about his, as they stand gazing at one another, wonder in their dewy eyes….
And the inscription reads - "Lalloo and Tota, legend of love rekindled, together Forever!….."
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